Thursday, January 7, 2010
I'm Scared
Okay so I am scared. It is about 18-22 days before my husband comes home from Iraq. This will be the 3rd time that he has come home from Iraq and this time I am more scared than ever for him to come home. This should be a time of joy and excitement and it is but it is also a time to be scared. We have not been a family in over a year and all of us have changed. Bella is now in her Terrible 3's and driving me bonkers. Jerry I know has seen stuff that I am sure has changed how he feels about things and will change how he acts about things. Me this has been the hardest deployment out of the 6 and I have changed. I don't know if I have changed for the better or the worse. I have had a mental breakdown since he has been gone and I am having serious doubts about our relationship. It is hard to have a relationship that is strictly over the phone or on the computer. So I am scared. What about if he does not love me anymore. What about if he can't handle being around a stubborn child like Bella. I have all these what ifs and there is no way to answer them until he comes home and we deal with it. You are probably asking why I am telling you all this well for one I just needed to vocalize it and to I need prayers. And most of all I need someone to tell me that it will be okay and that we will make it past all of this just like we always do. I can't even imagine what it is going to be like for Jerry to come home to a 3 year old he has only spent about 8 months with her. Please let everything be okay.
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4 comments:
It is okay to be nervous but fear is not from God so I pray that the fear leaves you quickly. Of course you've changed. Who doesn't in a year's time but I can promise love can only grow stronger in times like this. Appreciation for the time you have together is greater. It will take adjusting to but if anyone can handle it you can! It will be okay!
Oh how I can relate!! You are a strong woman for being able to make it through this many deployments. I have such respect for you! As Keri said, it's okay to be nervous. Trust that God has you right where He wants you. I wish I would have done the same. :)
I can't speak to your husband coming home except to say I'm sure he loves you as much now as he did before maybe more. As for the terrible 3's, it WILL pass I promise. Just be consistant in disipline, that will help more than anything. As they say in growing kids God's way "don't be a threatening repeating parent". Pick your battles then stick to your guns! Being a Mom is the hardest job in the world. You are a GREAT mom! I'm praying for you guys!
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